Why Every Couple Should Consider a Prenup
It’s understandable that prenups are prickly. Nothing ruins the sweet boundless optimism of a couple madly in love like discussing the possibility of parting ways before the “death do us part” part.
That discomfort we feel about uncertainty and change is universal. Nothing triggers the "fight or flight" response quite like signing a document that explicitly plans for a hypothetical heartbreaking situation you hope never happens.
However, the money conversations that arise during a thoughtful, intentional process of considering a prenup are some of the most important you will have as a couple. In many ways, the process of considering a prenup is just as valuable as the document itself.
A prenup isn’t about planning for the end; it’s about getting on the same page at the beginning.
The Prenup Basics
If you’re feeling a bit of "analysis paralysis" around the term, let’s strip away the Hollywood stigma and look at the facts.
What is a prenup? A prenuptial agreement is simply a private contract signed before marriage. It outlines how assets, debts, income, and certain financial rights will be handled - both during the marriage and if the marriage ends. Think of it as a customized operating manual for your financial lives together.
What happens without one? Getting married has legal and financial consequences. The moment you say "I do," you are legally considered one economic unit. Every state already has a "prenup" for you: it’s called the law. If you don't write your own rules, the government writes them for you. A prenup allows you to decide what works for you.
Radical Honesty: The Benefit of Talking About “What If” Now!
Drafting a prenup requires a level of "financial nakedness" that most couples avoid. It demands radical honesty about:
What debts (student loans, credit cards) are we bringing into this?
What assets have we worked hard to build solo? Do we want to combine everything? Keep some separate?
How do we feel about spousal support or future inheritances?
How do we handle the "Work Gap"? If one of us stays home to raise children or support a career move, how is that sacrifice recognized?
These aren't just legal questions; they are intimacy builders. Discussing these now, while you are at your most collaborative and loving, is an act of deep respect for your future selves. Even if you decide not to sign a formal document, the conversations you’ll have together during this process (when done calmly, openly, and from a place of curiosity and kindness!) is a massive win for your relationship.
Where Do I Start?
My favorite resource is the book: The Prenup Partnership by Kaylin Dillon. Before you start to research attorneys on your own, I highly recommend reading this book to give you a solid education and foundation to start the process. It walks you through the entire process including how to bring up prenups with your partner and the different options available to you.
A prenup isn't a sign that you expect to fail; it’s a sign that you value your partner’s peace of mind enough to protect it from the start.
Even if marriage isn’t on the table, if you and your partner's lives are becoming financially intertwined, these conversations are arguably even more important. While a prenup is specific to couples who do plan to be married, there are other legal agreements unmarried couples may want to look into (such as a cohabitation agreement if you’re planning to buy a home together).
If you want help navigating this process as a couple, please feel free to book a free introductory call with me here!
